i woke up about an hour and a half ago because my heater made me too warm. i’ve had such a week, i don’t know if i should pick up where i left off or say what im feeling now or just get to the good bits…

ive dropped the 3 new songs. and they’re so good and i feel really good about them and the accompanying videos. i’ve seemingly upset every man (there’s only 3) that’s been half-assedly trying to get back into my good graces. (even the one i was trying to conjure with my mind! …okay… calling it “trying” is disrespectful; it obviously worked.) to celebrate myself & the release, i got some knee-high timbs that i’ve been eyeing for a minute. i got the right boot engraved with “Big Mindi” on the side. i had a session earlier (yesterday?) with someone i’d never worked with before, and we made something really good! i did not do barre this week (because i get extra soft with myself when i drop), so i’ll probably go twice when im in LA next week for the holidays. i go back to work in about 7 hours. my 3 day weekend was very sweet. omg——here’s a big one! on the 14th, i experienced my first snow day since moving here! beautiful, truly.

a thought i had recently that i never gave much attention to before but mama’s getting older: is being a musician dwindling my chances at love? my dating pool——especially in LA——is full of creatives… musicians, painters, models… i don’t know what medium or occupation my One True Love will hold, but i am starting to think i need to expand my horizons. my dating experiences, though educational & good for development, have sucked. never immediately, but always (so far) eventually. quoting myself here (Fine With Me), waiting on the other shoe to drop now. because (historically) there’s always another shoe. and another self-quote, a new one, (Forget We Ever Met) show me what you showed her. ‘cause, in the past, there’s typically a her. a Special Ex of theirs. someone they’re not fully over so they can not open their hearts up to my good, good lovin (to quote Dijon, why not?) and, in a way, i feel them. hell, i am a couple of folks’ special ex, too. that isn’t enticing to me, thank God. i wonder if it’s something inside of me that reminded my past lovers that they’re more comfortable when they aren’t seen so clearly. when they aren’t courting someone with a self-esteem as high as mine. when they aren’t sharing ideas with someone as inquisitive and proactive as i am. the love of my life will probably love all those things about me and also probably won’t see me making music as a red flag, lol. until then, i’m happy and in love with myself. fr. gonna try to go back to sleep now.

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